Thursday, May 15, 2008

I Needed a Friend

I've been in a bit of a rut lately. Even a little down in the dumps. In a slump. Maybe even a little depressed from time to time. Jeff's job has been crazy with 16 hour days and a short switch to working a few nights. It was supposed to go back to normal this week, but that really didn't happen. Soon he'll be away on a business trip for a week. I've learned a lot about myself during this time "alone".

I like routine. structure. schedule. Without Jeff around to make supper for or to get up with in the morning, I've been so out of sorts. I don't sleep well when he's gone. I stay up as late as possible; I just don't like it when he's not here.

I learned that I miss him... a lot. He's my best friend. My confidant. My place to bounce ideas and just jabber about everything and nothing. He makes me laugh and he completes my life. I want him to be around and I look forward to his job returning to normal and spending time more time with him.

With Jeff gone, I also realized that I don't have any other close friends. I have acquaintances, a wonderful church family, and of course, I have you bloggy buddies, but no best girl-friend. No one nearby with similar interests or with kids that are the same ages as mine. No stay-at-home moms around here... and that makes a difference. (I'm not knocking working moms at all... it's just a different daily structure.)

The last friend I had lots in common with was over 3 years ago (Laurel). She moved. I moved. We keep in touch through our blogs and the occasional phone call, but it's just not the same as getting together and having a face-to-face conversation... ya know?

One night when Jeff was home, I told him, "I need a friend." He knew I wasn't meaning that he isn't enough of a friend and he realizes that sometimes a girl just needs a girl-friend. He is such a supportive and understanding man. I love him to pieces, but to be honest, my heart was just aching for a real-life close-by girl-friend. That night I prayed for a friend. Simply... a friend.

I met Rachel at my congregation's monthly Ladies' Night Out. She is the daughter-in-law to a lady from my congregation. She lives about 20 minutes from me and is a SAHM to 4 kids (ages 5,4,2 and 1 - three are boys). She and I hit it off immediately and found that we share so much in common. It's like she was the answer to my prayer. Oh, wait... she was! :)

She confided that she, too, had been needing a friend... Someone to share secrets and stories with. A person to trust. Moments to be more than just a mom or a wife.

I am so excited for my new friendship. I can't wait to get our kids together and have our husbands meet.

Hopefully once Jeff's job settles down I can find myself back in routine with an added extra bounce in my step for having found a friend!

How about you... Have you ever been "without" a friend? Have you ever just "clicked" with someone immediately? Tell me about your best friend ~ what do you like to do together?

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Unknown said...

i understand what you mean. i was in a friend slump when i quit work and had kids. i had no stay at home moms to hang out with. but now i have friends that i have something in common with and it helps tremendously! i'm glad you've found someone to hang out with. and having kids the same ages makes it even more fun!

laurel said...

I am so glad that your prayer was answered quickly. God is so good! And, I am thankful that you have a hubby that is such a wonderful blessing in your life. Yay for sweet hubbies and yay for great girlfriends!
I have missed connecting with you. I wish we lived closer and could have a playdate. Seriously now, we would have the ultimate playdate...everyone would have someone their own age! :)

Melissa said...

I've been there too... How wonderful that your answer to prayer was answered with so many specifics just right for you!!

Nowheymama said...

I'm so happy for you!

When we lived in KY, I didn't have any close friends nearby. Things are so much better now!

Anonymous said...

I have been in that situation when my oldest was little and it is very lonely indeed. I am so glad you found someone who seems like a compatible friend!

I can completely understand your feelings. For me it all changed when my oldest started school. At age 3 I enrolled her in a small Montessori preschool and that is when I really discovered a whole community of compatible women, including one "best friend" with a daughter the same age.

If I lived closer, I'd have you and your boys over for lunch!

Kayris said...

Absolutely, I have felt like that. In fact, I just recently blogged about it here.

It took some time to get over feeling shy and lonely, but bit by bit, I have met some people. And I made one really great friend that makes up for not having dozens of friends.

Also, my son starts preschool in the fall and I can second what Mom Unplugged says. In the process of finding a program and getting him signed up, I have met more moms with kids the same age as mine. And it makes me feel hopeful.

Hugs to you!

Super B's Mom said...

I relate to this SO WELL! When Super Dad is away, I am just not myself. Sorry you are missing your sweetie. :(

Like you, I don't have any "friends" close by to hang out with. My best friend lives out of state so obviously we see each other very little. I'm SO GLAD you've got a new friend!

YAY for friends!!

I'll be your friend too, if you want. ;)

4funboys said...

I can't say I know exactly how you feel because my husband never is pulled away from us because of work... however, I miss those close girl-friends that I used to have. There aren't many women that I have very much in common with right now, and there's times that I really feel like I'm on my own.

None of my friends work, and even though I only work less than 100 days a year, that puts me out of the loop in making good friends at work. My boys all go to a private school, and NONE of their friends mother's work... which is REALLY tough (on all of us!)

I guess we just appreciate the relationships we're blessed with in whatever season of life we're in, and anticipate the friendships we're going to be blessed with as answers to prayer in the future!

Andrea said...

I totally get this. I am just the same way when my dh is away - can't get motivated to get didley done.
I was in the same place too with friends. I prayed for one 5 years ago and God brought me one (in a weird and unexpected way too). She is now my best, best friend! He really does answer prayer!

Mary@notbefore7 said...

Oh Becky, I have so been there and can relate. WE need that other woman to share our heart with who can relate to us.

I am so glad you took this to God! He knew that need of your heart and had an answer prepared for you!

Unknown said...

Glad you found somebody nearby. It is important to have that type of relationship with someone close by. I think we've all gone through these times, especially when we move to a new town or neighborhood.

Anonymous said...


That was absolutely beautiful! You are a terriffic writer, an incredible woman and a wonderful friend. God has truly blessed us both with one another.

Richard, the kids and I LOVED spending time with your family on Saturday. In fact, Noah asked me this morning after church if we could go to Witt and Will's house today! Of course, I told him soon we will because I want to go back to Miss Becky's house again too : ).

Let's get together this week!

Unknown said...

Becky, I am so glad for you!! We all need friends and especially the kind that can relate to our lives (hence the mommy blogs...).

I recently found another Mom that lives 2 blocks from me and since we met last fall we see each other at least twice a week and talk on the phone pretty much every day. She has kept me sane many times!

I hope your husband's schedule eases up soon too...