Will, (no longer age 10) age 11

I try to include the boys' ages when I write about them. No more zeros for Will for awhile.  He's the big ONE - ONE. I suppose that makes him a "tween" now? Sure does feel like it anyway...

About two weeks before Will started public school this year, he was testing out some boundaries.  He didn't want help, he didn't want reminders, he didn't want suggestions. He wanted to do everything on his own. And he said so with ATTITUDE.

This continued into the school year... especially regarding homework and studying for tests.

The teacher sent out a text to the entire class' parents reminding about a spelling test the next day. That night, I told Will he needed to study for the test and offered to help.

"Mooooommmm! Ugh. (huff puff) I don't need to study. I don't need your help." blah blah blah. ATTITUDE.

I finally told him that there was a much better way to say that, "Mom, I appreciate you wanting to help, but I'd rather do this on my own."  

He nodded. I continued to give him another chance at changing his attitude, "Would you like some help studying for your test?" 

Shaking his head profusely, "NUH-UH!" 

We had a similar conversation the following week about a History test. I told him that if he is choosing not to study for a test that he would suffer the consequences if he made a bad grade:  No screen time until he brings the grade up. He looked a little shocked, "But that's a whole week before I take another test!"  Me - "Yep, but it's your choice".  He didn't study.

I'm actually proud that he is wanting to do his work on his own, but the ATTITUDE needed to go!

Now, of course this boy is extremely bright and he did just fine on all his tests so there hasn't been much in the way of consequences, but the attitude continued into chores and just general conversation. I felt like I was losing my sweet boy.

This week, when he brought his binder home I started to look through it in case there was any information from the teacher and I began to ask about his day. He jumped all over me - he didn't want to talk about school or work or anything. I lost my cool and slammed the notebook shut. I slid it across the table I told him, "Fine. You do it all yourself. I will help you only if you ask. I will leave you alone if that is what you want."

He teared up. "No, Mom. Don't say that. You are making me feel bad."

He continued, "I... I ... I just don't want to talk about some of the bad things that happened today like when I cried in class because I didn't know how to the worksheet. Finally the teacher came over and gave me individual instruction."

Oh I felt terrible. Both our attitudes calmed and we talked for awhile. Then he came across the room to initiate one of the best hugs I've ever gotten from him. He even sat in my lap for a bit and cuddled with me. (Can't remember the last time that happened!)

I told him I was so proud of him for sharing his feelings with me and that I was here for him whenever he wanted to talk. I told him that it was normal for there to be some times that he didn't know what to do because public school is different than home school and that it is okay to ask for help.

He said, "Thanks Mom, I feel so much better. Like a weight has been lifted. I've been keeping it in for so long."

That was about three days ago.  He has been so much more pleasant since then! Last night he even let me help him study for today's History test! No complaints. No attitude. It was wonderful.

I love my little boy, but he's growing up and not so little anymore.  He's learning to be more independent and I'm learning to let him. :)  I'm so thankful for the moment he and I shared. I just can't put into words how much it warmed my heart.

Today he turned 11. Just 7 more years to teach and guide him. Going to try to treasure all of it.

Chores for Boys

At the beginning of the last school year, I created some chore charts for the boys.  We tried check-off lists, we tried moving the chore title from the "ToDo" column to the "Finished" column.  All these "extras" just took up more time and one was honestly just one more thing to take care of.  Instead, I opted for a single list for all the boys.  They go in order every day and they do the chore together if it is at all possible.  

I have found that doing the chores together result in less whining and complaining.  We've even ended up with some "inside jokes" from working alongside each other so much. :)  I wouldn't say the chores are fun, but they are at least tolerated and they get done. 

This year, I plan to update the chart with a few more extra items since they are a year older, but in the meantime I thought I share what works for us.

 

Here is their every day chore chart. This is where they start each morning: 

Take Vitamin, Clear their place from breakfast, Unload the dishwasher, Brush teeth and hair, Make beds, Pick up toys throughout the house,  Fold towels and put clean laundry away, Hug your Mom, Find your shoes.

Below that are the boys' individual chores: Will feeds and waters the dog, Nathan opens the blinds and empties the compost, and Witt puts the couch pillows on the couch (because they always end up on the floor) and makes sure the cabinets are closed in the kitchen.

At the end, are the daily chores. 

Monday: Clean the Sunroom; Tuesday: Grocery/Errand Day; Wednesday: Trash; Thursday: Remove Sheets from Bed; Friday: Floors (my chore)

When the boys are at "Brush Teeth & Hair" on the EveryDay chart, they are in the bathroom (hopefully! LOL!).  So while they are in there, I have this chart posted on the back of the bathroom door.  Here are their bathroom chores:

Brush teeth, Put brush & paste in drawer, Wash out the Sink, Brush your hair, Put dirty laundry & towels in the basket, Close the Closet doors, Flush the Toilet and Close the Lid, Close the shower curtain, Make sure there are hand towels handing neatly. 

Referring back to the EveryDay Chart, the chore after "Brushing Teeth" (which we could also sneakily call "Cleaning the Bathroom"), is "Make Your Bed". So they head to their bedroom (which they all share). This is the chart that hangs in their bedroom:

 

Get Dressed, Dirty Clothes in the Basket, Hang up clean clothes, Close dresser drawers, Make your bed, Close the curtains on your bed (they have bunk-beds with curtains), Put books away, Close the Closet, Take dirty clothes to the laundry room

Even my 5 year old (who was 4 when we started this chart), knows what every picture means and which order to do his chores in.  It's not that huge of a deal if they go in a different order, but the routine of it all seems to help them remember to get it all done.

And, yes... I still have to get after them to keep going.  Especially the 5 and 6 year old who seem to always be off in their own little world. :)  Will is going to be 10 next month and he just zips on through.

What chores do you have your children do? What kind of system works for your family?

My Man

Q: What's better than watching a man chop wood?


A: Watching a man that takes the time to teach his son how to chop wood. :)

BONUS ANSWER: And then watching that man use the fruits of their labor to cook lunch! {big grin!!}

pictures from October 2009

Boys in the Bedroom

I spent Tuesday afternoon rearranging the boys' bedrooms in hopes of quenching Witt's separation anxiety. We now have one bedroom (literally only beds)

and one playroom. Sorry I didn't bother cleaning before I took the pictures... I'm sure you understand. :)

The first night, it took at least an extra 30 minutes to get them all settled for bed. Wittman cried and cried still wanting me to stay in the room with all of them. William continually got in trouble for talking and Nathan just kept a bewildered face, not really understanding what all the commotion was about.

FINALLY, Witt accepted the fact that I was going and his brothers were staying. They all slept through the night!

The next morning, I woke to hear Will and Witt talking (at 5:56 am!). I went in there and they were both on Wittman's bed playing with stuffed animals. I motioned for them to come out so Nathan could continue to sleep. (They are usually up around 6:20 am, so it really wasn't that much earlier than usual.)

The nap time transition was much better than the night before. I usually only require Will to lay on the couch for some quiet time while the other boys nap, but since they were up late AND up early PLUS we had bible study that night, I wanted Will to take a nap, too. So, after a story and about 30 minutes of them settling down (plus a few swats on the hiney for getting out of bed), they finally all took a nap. A full nap, too!

Last night was even better. No crying and only once did I have to go in there to tell Wittman to quiet down. Again, they all slept through the night!

Wittman woke a little after six, with Nathan not far behind. Surprisingly my early bird, Will, stayed in bed until 7:00!

So far, combining bedrooms has worked wonders! I am SO THANKFUL!

Separation Anxiety

Poor little Witt.

2009 has been a year of change for us all, but he's taking it the hardest. Daddy is gone many days a week (sometimes full weeks) and the family left for a week's vacation in June without him.

When we returned from our vacation, he began crying for me to sleep in his room. I would lay in the spare bed that was in there until he fell asleep and then sneak out to go sleep in my bed. When he woke in the middle of the night, he would cry for me because I wasn't in there. I finally started bunching up the comforter and pillow to make it look like I was still in bed and that worked for a little while.

Then we moved to a new home which landed him a new room. We've started attending a new congregation which means new classmates, new teachers, and a new classroom. He literally falls apart if we leave him alone in the class, so my MIL has started staying with him.

Last month, he decided he wanted a new bed. That wasn't a problem for a couple weeks, but then...

While Nana was here, I made a quick trip to the grocery store while the kids were napping. Little did I know that Witt woke up as I was leaving. He watched me leave and cried the whole time I was gone. He rarely let me out of his site after that.

Then, on Friday, I took both Nathan and Will to school and a field trip. Although Witt loves staying with his Gran, Nathan has always been with him when Will has on-campus days with school. My MIL said that he would look around every so often with a, "Nay? Will?" looking for his brothers.

So now, he's back to BEGGING me to sleep in his room. A few nights ago, I began by laying in bed with him, but then decided to just sit on the floor instead so I could sneak out of his room easier. He did not like me sitting on the floor. He wanted me in that bed next to him, but I wouldn't give in and he finally fell asleep.

The next night I brought in a chair and sat on it. There was a little less argument. The following night, I moved the chair into the doorway. The actual door was between he and I so he couldn't see me, but he sure kept asking, "Ma? Chair?"I reassured him that I was still there and he finally fell asleep.

That night he woke up crying and I made the mistake of letting him come to bed with us (Jeff finally made it home from California!!). That night he wanted to sleep in our bed. Not happening, though! Jeff and I have just never been ones to have a child in bed with us.

So finally, last night, I had the chair out in the hallway next to his door. He went to sleep with little reassurance and slept until 1:30 when we heard a blood-curdling cry. We both hopped out of bed and ran to his room. There stood Witt staring at the empty chair freaking out that I was not in it.

I slept the rest of the night in his bed with him until he woke me up at 6:30 telling me he wanted to get down.

So, where to go from here? Well, I have one last option. Today after naps, I am moving both Will's and Nathan's beds into Witt's room. I am hopeful that the extra company will help him. I know the boys will enjoy being together, too. Plus it will give us a playroom for all the toys.

Jeff is working locally all week this week and I don't want to be spending my nights in Witt's bed.

I want to be sensitive to Witt as I know it is an honest fear for him, and I certainly haven't been intentional about leaving him alone. I suppose a little extra attention during the day is in order. I just really don't know what to do next that would be a good compromise for the both of us. I am a mom to two other little boys and a wife as well. I can't be at Witt's beck-and-call every moment.

So, any suggestions on dealing with separation anxiety in a 2 1/2 year old? After moving the beds, I'm out of ideas.

UPDATE HERE

At War with Toys for Boys

So, Will is 6 1/2 years old.

His favorite toy since he was 2 has been Thomas the Tank Engine and friends. Here's part of his collection:




I'm not sure, but I think he's starting to lose a little interest... not much, but a little. I wonder if it's partly because his friends at school are saying Thomas is for babies.

We had a talk about it and he said, "The box says it's for 3 year-olds and over." So I replied with, "Well, then it's for you. Are you older than 3? It's for Mommy, too... I'm older than 3." He seemed ok with that answer.

I'm not ready for Thomas to go. I like the innocence and the stories Will makes up using the trains. He's very creative and the tracks give him something to manipulate.

Even with that said, I'm ready to introduce something new to Will, but I'm just not sure what yet. I don't want him watching Star Wars or Indian Jones... which are very popular among the boys his age. I often wonder if the parents let their boys watch these movies or are the kids just interested because of the light sabers and whips?

I just don't think I'm ready for Will to be exposed to images like this.

What's up with his eyes? That's just creepy...


Sure the star-ships are cool, but the violence is constant, the evil characters are scary and some of the good characters are too.



And then there is Indian Jones... the language, the alcohol, shootings, stabbing, stealing and gun fights.



We don't let the boys watch too many PG movies in general. We watch PBS during the day and even some of those cartoons use words that I would rather not hear (ie "shut up" and "stupid").

At what point am I being too overprotective? When does it become *ok* to let my boys watch these shows? Are these shows just the modern day Cops & Robbers or Cowboys & Indians?

Am I just over thinking all of this??

What do your boys find interesting? Do they watch these movies? Do they have questions about them? Nightmares from them?

Any suggestions for less violent toys for boys?

I know I'm full of questions in this post and I know my boys can't stay little forever. I sure would appreciate some extra input today.

Toot-aloo....

Meeting the Teacher

Well, Jeff and I met with Mrs. B, the current teacher in Will's class.

Unfortunately she was quite pleasant. :) I was hoping she would be rude to make my decision easier! LOL!

The first thing that we mentioned to her is that we realize what a difficult situation she has been put in and that we understand that it must be very challenging to her. We told her that we were not there to point fingers; that we just had concerns that needed to be expressed and to also get her side of the story. We wanted to make sure she was not guarded in her answers - especially since we knew she had four other conferences scheduled for the same week! Bless her heart.

It was obvious that she was new to the work-force and admitted that kindergarten is different and more challenging than the 3rd graders she had worked with in the past. I think she is aware of the challenges and trying to compensate for them.

She used the word "adjustment" several times in our conversation. Everyone is still adjusting, but she said she really feels like the kids are starting to realize that she's going to be staying (until Mrs. P returns). She said that the card pulling is slowing down as the children are becoming more comfortable with her.

I showed her the difference in the number of cards pulled between her and Mrs. P. There were occasional cards pulled with Mrs. P. That really let me know when Will had had a particularly bad day. When he's coming home with 2 - 3 cards pulled DAILY, the only thing I can think is that he is consistently having bad days and being terribly disruptive.

She told us that Will is by no means the most disruptive in the class... there are at least four others ahead of him. (I was hoping for a bigger number, but at least it's not lower!) She said he is a sweet boy and that she can tell he is "coming around".

I asked how she thought he was doing academically; she said he was doing just fine, right on track, and would put him in the top percentage of the class. I then asked if she thought he was board or not being challenged enough and she said he probably was. She also said that he will probably be asked to attend the school for gifted children next year.

I also brought up positive-reinforcement. Since he's had a card pulled practically everyday for two months, he hasn't been to the treasure box. She kind of smiled and said, "No one really has. There are only about four kids that consistently go to the treasure box." (I'm not really excited about that answer.)

She said that she has started a new chart for positive reinforcement. When the kids are "caught doing something good" they get a sticker on their chart. The collected stickers will help them get to the treasure box. She said Will has about five stickers currently.

She also said something about "bribing" them with a special snack if they are good. I don't really remember what the specifics were to this...

Overall, I really think she is trying to do a good job and has a good attitude towards Will. After talking with Will as well, I think he is ok with her, too.

I think (hope) that the roughest part of the transition period is over and that every thing will even out.

HOWEVER...

All this thinking about homeschooling has really sparked something in me and when I nonchalantly asked Will what he would think about having school at home and mommy be the teacher; his face LIT UP, he clapped his hands and said, "YES! That sounds like a great idea!"

I truly think Will is board and acting out in school because nothing is holding his attention well enough. Mrs. B let on that there are kids in his class that still don't know their color sight words. Will knew them when he entered kindergarten and I am sure there other topics that he is just sitting there waiting on some of the other kids to catch up. That's got to be frustrating for him.

Now, I think homeschooling is turning out to be more of a personal choice instead of being a necessity to get him out of a bad situation.

The decision has not been made though. I am still educating myself on homeschooling and watching for improvement from the school. (There was a problem just yesterday where the teachers were not communicating with each other and it could have landed Will in In School Suspension if I hadn't stepped in. Let me tell you... I was one ticked-off mama!)

Today I meet with a homeschooling friend that also works with the school system regarding gifted children. She has been very inspiring to me and I look forward to gaining knowledge from her about homeschooling and about Will from a gifted stand-point.

If you haven't noticed by now, I do not make quick decisions. I take my time. I really take my time... to the point of it aggravating some people (seriously). This is constantly in my thoughts and in my prayers. I want to make a good, educated decision. Please pray for us during this decision making time.

Thanks so much for being here, for reading my ramblings, and offering opinions and advice! I love my bloggy-buddies! :)

P.S. Sorry for any grammatical errors - no time to reread! :)

Thoughts of Homeschooling

There have been quite a few posts here about the trouble Will is having at school. Here's a run-down of what's going on...

Will's original teacher, Mrs. P, is on leave for cancer treatments. She is not expected back until April 1st at the earliest. Her leave started during the Thanksgiving holidays. The two weeks after the Thanksgiving holiday his class had a substitute that a friend of mine called a boot-camp kindergarten teacher. It was a rough couple of weeks; Will spent the whole time on yellow or orange.

Then there was winter break. That was a great 14 days for us. We all worked together, enjoyed each others' company, and accomplished things together. I truly loved having all three boys home at the same time and not having a rigid schedule to follow. I felt like a good parent and LOVED IT!

After winter break, there was a three day school week with a different substitute. I'm not really sure, but I think this was a very lax week as I remember Will saying they got to play a lot.

The following Monday, there was yet ANOTHER substitute, Mrs. B. She is a certified teacher (but new to the work-force) and will be remaining in Will's class until Mrs. P. returns. She has been teaching his class for two weeks now. The majority of his days ended on orange or red; although he's been on yellow the last two days, thankfully. I don't know if it's him or if the teacher is super-strict or if it's just a transition period. Jeff and I requested a meeting with his teacher and that will be tomorrow.

Jeff and I met with the principal last week to express our concerns. Although it was good to talk with him, nothing is resolvable at this time and the situation is still very real. Jeff and I both feel that the school and teachers have done everything they possibly can to make the transition easy for the kids, but there has just been SO MUCH transitioning.

Will has more than once said that he wonders who his next teacher will be. He has cried a few days that he doesn't want to go to school. He has said that he follows Mrs. P's rules and shouldn't be getting in trouble for the things he is doing. It has been a rough couple of months!

I've also received a phone call on two different occasions from the PE teacher and then today the reading instructor walked Will out to the car to let me know he has been out-right defiant the last two days. His behavior is not acceptable, but this is just so unlike him.

I've talked with another mother from Will's class and she says that her child is having the same issues. This mother also says that she's spoken with another mother who's child is also struggling.

There's so much to this that I don't even have the time to write it out. There is so much spinning in my head going back and forth about what to do.

In the end, I am not satisfied with the amount of cards being pulled on Will - some of them being pulled for what I would consider normal 6 year old behavior. As a result, Will has not had any positive reinforcement from his teachers in two months. There have been days that I didn't want to send him to school because I didn't want him to feel like he was in trouble all the time. In fact, this past Friday, I did keep him out; I told him he could have a "vacation day". It was time for him to just have some FUN and RELAX.

You know something needs to change when you don't want to send your child to school anymore.

I am seriously considering pulling him out for the remainder of the school year and homeschooling. I feel like I would be able to give him a more consistent, understanding environment. I certainly feel competent enough to teach him what he needs to learn in order to be ready for 1st grade. At this time, my intention would be to return him to public school next year... unless we all absolutely love homeschooling.

There is a part of me that really wants to do this. I cannot express how much I actually enjoyed our winter break together. Having a task, working on it together, and accomplishing it. I don't remember a time that I have enjoyed more with just the boys and me at home.

Before you question about socialization... let me just say that Will is the most social 6 year old boy I know. He strikes up conversations with strangers, feels completely confident talking with adults, and getting rough-n-tumble with kids. We attend church three times a week, he'll be playing soccer in the spring, and he's showing an interest in learning to play the piano (another post in itself). Then of course, there are homeschooling co-ops and such. I seriously don't think socialization is an issue - even if we decide to homeschool for a few years.

The down-side to pulling Will out of school is that he won't be with his friends daily. He also won't be there when Mrs. P returns. I think that although there will be yet another transition back to her, in the end it would be a positive note to finalize the year. The kids just adore her. Another down-side is that I won't have even less time to myself... which is totally selfish, but a reality I need to consider.

Like I said... there are so many thoughts in my head. Pros and cons to both sides. Too much to list right now, so I'll leave it to you:

If you are a homeschooler, what were your reasons for choosing homeschooling? What do see as pros and cons to homeschooling? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

If you send your kids to school, what are your thoughts about homeschooling? Have you ever considered it and why did you choose not to do it?

I'm just a mess about this whole situation. I'm heart-broken for Will, disappointed in his behavior, irritated and the whole situation, and just really don't know what to do... please pray that Jeff and I will have the wisdom to make the right choice for our son and our family.

Thanks.

The Words I Have Longed to Hear

"Nay go potty."

Not as in "Nathan needs to go potty" but as in "Nathan went potty."

As in ALL BY HIMSELF!!!

He went to the potty, unzipped his pjs, pulled down the night-time diaper (which was dry), peed in the potty, pulled up the diaper, zipped up his pjs, and flushed. Then promptly came to tell me that he had gone. He probably would have washed his hands, too, if he could have reached the faucet!

YIPEEE!!! HORRAY!!! We are well on our way to fully potty-trained!!!

Here's how we did it... if you don't want to talk poop and pee, stop right now. :) Just sayin'...

I had intended on really hitting the training hard last summer, but he (and Witt) were diagnosed with Toddler's Diarrhea. I won't go into the details except to say - lots of diapers and it can last until they are around 4 years old (Nathan was 31 months then and is 38 months now). So, with the lack of control in that area we didn't really focus much on the toilet because... well, just because. :P

With improvement on his end (pun intended! HA!), I decided that Winter Break would be a good time to start the training while we were focusing on changing habits anyway. We removed the changing table from his room to make it harder to change diapers and making us put him on the potty more. Then we ditched the pull-ups (except at night) and I set the timer for every two hours during the day.

Every two hours we went to the potty. I always sat him on the potty in hopes of catching him at the right moment for #2, too. And we did... lots of times! In fact I think there were only four dirty accidents those two weeks.

Nathan has been in big boy underwear during the day since then. After talking with his preschool teachers, they agreed that I could send him to school in big boy underwear, too. He had an accident the first day I sent him in underwear, but he's been doing great ever since!!!

I've got 1 1/2 bags of pull-ups left. I think we'll finish out the 1/2 bag at night just to be on the safe side, although he's been dry every night for about a month now. The other bag is going to get exchanged for a 2T for Witt to grow into.

Not buying pull-ups is going to help the grocery budget, too!

I love this part of potty training! :)

JINXED myself

Well, I thought things were going smoothly and then Will comes home from school with two cards pulled... landing him on RED! Not good. Then he pitched a couple fits for me, outright disobeyed and ended up sitting on his bed until his dad got home because I was DONE with him.

Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

Just so we're clear... I was the hot-tempered one; Jeff calmed the quarrel. I love that man!

Note to self: Each day is it's own. Take one day at a time, start over with a happy heart tomorrow, and practice patience!

I don't know if Will just didn't sleep well or what. There is also the fact that since his regular kindergarten teacher is out on leave {please pray from Mrs. P!} and that this is the third substitute teacher in two months. This should be the last substitue until Mrs. P returns, though. I look forward to some stability for Will and the other children.

I know it's hard on them, but it is still good for him to learn to obey ALL of his teachers. We'll keep working on it.

He's such a sweet boy and I love him dearly! I guess we're all entitled to have our bad days.

Tomorrow will be better! :)

14 Days of Christmas Break

(Note: exceptionally long post. just so ya know.)

I'll admit it: I like sending my kids to school. I like the quiet of the house and moments to myself. Will goes to school M-F and Nathan goes for 1/2 days on T and TH. Witt is always home with me, but it is so much quieter with only him.

I'll also admit that I cringed last summer knowing that I was going to have all three boys 24/7 for months.

I thought that was how it was going to be over Christmas break, too, but I had a plan.

An agenda.

A course of action.

Basically, I had an idea how to fill our days.

Your first thought might be that I had crafts to do or baked goods to make. You might also think I had play dates scheduled or planned to send them to their grandmother's for a few days. You might even have a fleeting thought that I was going to tape their mouths shut and lock them in the closets. (jk... just wanted to make sure you were still with me. haha!)

Nope. Nope. and Nope.

My plan was to be a parent. To train. To teach. To discipline consistently. To be at the top of my game for two weeks straight because we needed some attitude adjustments.

And we did it.

I am pleased...super pleased... with the results!

The first thing I did was made up a morning routine that we were going to follow every morning BEFORE we turned the tv on. I gave each item a picture and hung them on the wall as a reminder. I sat down with Will and explained each picture and what that we were going to work together.

These were the things we did each morning together (in any order):

1. Get dressed.

2. Find shoes. They didn't have to put them on, but they had to know where they were in case we needed to leave later in the day.

3. Make bed.

4. Pick up clothes on the floor, decide if they are dirty or clean and put away appropriately.

5. Put out outfit for the next day.

6. Eat breakfast at the table.

7. Brush teeth.

8. Dishes. They put away the plastics and I did the rest.

9. Daily chores.

• Monday: Bring dirty clothes to laundry room.
• Tuesday: Pick up the sunroom and vacuum.
• Wednesday: Trash.
• Thursday: Change bed sheets.
• Friday: Living room floor - pick up toys so I could sweep & mop

10. Hug your mama! :) They loved this one and so did I!


I was amazed at how much fun we had working together. There was no time restraints on the day and I'd let the boys play in between chores. Sometimes it would be three hours before the tv was on and no one cared.

The boys thought nothing of doing chores and actually, I think they enjoyed it because we all did them together. They had my attention and I had theirs. I did little blogging during this time and I felt like a good mom for the first time in a long time.


As for the discipline and training, first of all, I stopped counting to 3. They were to start obeying the first time. I expected each of them to say "Yes, ma'am" (or something that resembled that) to every request I made of them. (This was initially just a response from them so that I knew they heard me, but in the end I really liked the respectfulness of it, too!)

Titus 3:1
Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good,

If they didn't obey within a reasonable time or if they outright disobeyed, there was an appropriate discipline... EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Proverbs 13:24
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 3:12
because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

We talked about how God wants us to be obedient so we can get to heaven.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

This was (at times) a very draining process, but so worth it. Once they realized the boundaries and that Jeff and I both were going to keep them, the tension in the air lightened and we all had fun!

After thinking about it, I realized that when I was out in the workforce, I liked knowing what my boss expected from me. I felt safe within the expressed boundaries. I knew what I was supposed to do, how to please, and how to do a good job. I also like knowing the expectations God has for me. It's good to have boundaries and rules and consequences. Why would children feel any different?

I'm here to say that they don't feel any different, at least mine don't. There has been a fantastic turn around in attitude and I'm loving it. :) I really think they are, too.

Proverbs 29:17
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.

But, now with school back in full swing, we're making a few adjustments because we don't have the leisurly time we had over winter break. We get done what we can in the morning before school. What doesn't get finished in the morning is completed immediately after school - before the tv. It's a little harder this way because our momentum is broken by the activities of the day, but I know that if we continue moving forward and if I can continue to keep my boundaries firm, we'll make progress. :)

It feels so good to be a PARENT. I'm not just a mom; I'm their leader during the day. I'm the one they look to for guidance during the day. I'm the one to hold the boundaries and give the expectations, support, love, and praise. (I say during the day because I'm the only one here with them at that time... of course Jeff and I work as a team in the evening and ultimately he's the head of the family... just wanted to make that clear {grin} )

I now see the difference between being a parent and being a mom. It's not an easy job. It's not always a fun job, but I want to teach my children how to respect authority, meet their goals, follow the law, and be obedient. My ultimate goal, of course, is for all of us to make it to heaven.

And that path to heaven? It's not wide.

Matthew 7:13-14
13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

It is going to take external discipline to teach internal discipline. And it's going to take that internal discipline for each of us to stay on that narrow path.

Proverbs 5:23
He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.


Proverbs 15:10
Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path; he who hates correction will die.

Hebrews 12:11
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Peace. I like that.

I Don't Want to Just Survive

Do you ever have days where you feel like you have "just survived" parenthood? When at the end of the day what you really want to thank God for most is that you made it through the day?

Nothing specific has happened, but this thought of "just surviving" parenthood has been on my mind a lot lately. I want to do more than just survive it. I want to be a participant, be more active, and just plain more alive. I don't want my days to pass by taking uncaptured moments and unmade memories with them.

I need to refocus my thoughts. Redirect them on making memories. Although some of the most special memories are spur-of-the-moment, being more intentional ensures there are special memories being made! :)

With this thought in mind, I am going to start being more consistent with the Unplugged Projects. I love them. They are so simple and so broad in how we want to approach them. This week's project is themed Hard. So, come this Monday, you'll see something Hard. It might not be spectacular, but it will be something that I did with my boys!

Secondly, I am going to start Simple and Slow Fridays up again. Out of retirement it comes! This isn't always something I do with my boys, but it helps me direct my thoughts.

I love the book Mitten Strings for God and that's where I got the titles for each week. In the past I have given segments from the book for direction, but that became too much work. Now, each Friday I will just give a subject for the following Friday. And if you want to get started thinking about a post for my re-launch of SSF, the topic will be Enchantment. What a fun topic to start on!

If you're not really sure how this works, you might like to check out some of our previous topics (unfortunately in my blog re-design I lost all the Mr. Linky links... I am so sad about this! However, If you have the time, you can check the comment section for those that participated and search their blog by the posted date.)


Simplicity
Play
Secret Places
Wants and Needs
Stories
One-On-One Time
Surrender
Healing
Listening
Nature


Not this Friday, but next Friday, September 26th, I will have my post up about Enchantment and a Mr. Linky for you to link up your post on Enchantment, too. At the end of my post I will include the following week's topic. Let me know what questions you have; I hope to have lots of participants, but even if I don't this is something good for me.

I hope you'll join me on my quest to do more than survive! :)

Parenting is Hard Work

This parenting thing has not been too easy lately. Whew. Will has been misbehaving in school and Nathan is coming up on the Terrible Threes (the 3s are much worse than the 2s in my opinion!). To top it off, Witt's teething and has slept through the night twice in about 10 days (so that means I'm not sleeping either...)

Anyway...

Will's school has a system of pulling cards when children misbehave. If I understand it correctly this is how it works: Everyone starts on a green card at the beginning of the day. If they misbehave, a warning is given. Then after that the cards start to get pulled. The card after green is yellow, then orange and then red. Orange includes a note sent home from the teacher. Red includes a phone call from the teacher. Every day the child stays on green they get a hole punch in a different card. Once there are 5 punches, they get to go to the treasure box.

Will has been in school a total of 11 days and only has 4 punches on his card. You can do the math - there is lots of misbehavin' going on. Two days ago he got up from his chair and went to cut a little girl's hair instead of doing his art work. Yesterday he licked the inside of the bucket that holds their cartons of milk on ice. He won't keep his mouth shut or keep his hands to himself. I feel like the mom with the "bad kid", but he's not a bad kid. I just don't know how to help him make better choices.

His teacher is great. Last night was Open House and she allowed me to talk with her about Will even though it was mostly a night for the kids to show off what they've been doing. (Side note: I didn't realize it was a night to bring Will; I was by myself.) So while all the other kids were showing their parents around the room, I was talking with Mrs. P about Will. In fact, when I walked in she greeted me with a smile and "How are you?". I almost welled up in tears to that question. I'm really not doing all that great (see first paragraph...). To add to it all, I feel like I'm letting her down because she has to deal with his misbehavior and I've let Will down by not training him correctly to be more obedient (and quiet).

I don't want to be a super strict mom (which I'm not) nor do I want to be a lazy walk-all-over-me type of mom either (which I'm not). I want to be the mom that does the right thing. That disciplines correctly. That says the right thing at the right time in the right way. I want to be the mom with the child that behaves and obeys the first time. And the parenting I've been doing, well, I guess it's not really producing the fruit I had hoped it would.

Will and I have talked every day on the way to school what he needs to do and then each day I pick him up to hear, "Sorry, Mom, I'll do better tomorrow." It's very disappointing.

We are talking so much about how he needs to behave that this morning when I came and sat down next to him, his first words were, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" He knew something was coming and he was right. We went over AGAIN that when he's in school he needs to sit & stay, zip his lips, and obey. Obviously we're talking about this a lot, but talking is not helping him make good choices.

So, what to do? How strict to get? What form of discipline to use? We've got some decisions to make and some action to take. Something more than a time out, nose in the corner, or occasional spanking. I think the only thing we haven't tried is taking something away. What's going to hit him the hardest is to loose his trains. I don't look forward to that meltdown.

I know this is a personal decision for each family, but what works for you? If you don't want to leave it in the comments, please feel free to email me... I'm looking for suggestions!!!