NOTE: Rant worthy post. Certainly lots of misspellings and incorrect grammar. Probably not in any coherent order either. I just typed. I just got it out. You don't have to read... I wouldn't blame you! :)
I feel like the Tasmanian Devil has hit me and taken me along for a ride and I don't see a stop coming soon. Do you ever feel like your world is just spinning out of control and all you can do is watch? Well, right now, that's how I'm seeing things. Oh, and I'm feeling quite inadequate about getting everything done, too. My list is a mile long and when it reaches this point it's hard to decide what to do first and so many times I don't do anything out of sheer shock and denial.
My house is ATROCIOUS. Let me spell it out... at least three loads of dishes in my tiny kitchen piled up on the counters (we're even using the mud sink to hold dishes!), Jeff couldn't find blue jeans to wear today because they're dirty, the dogs are lucky to be fed every other day, my beautifully organized desk is hidden, I need to mop... NEED TO MOP!, our food that needs to be composted runneth over - big time, we have no groceries in the house, etc. etc. etc.
I just got over a cold and now Jeff is coming down with the same symptoms. The holidays are fast approaching and with all the food a little extra stress for me at the family gatherings with Witt's allergy on top of it all. Bills to pay. Letters to write. Coupons to clip.
Hunting season is going to be on top of me soon. More time with just me and the kids. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind Jeff's hobby. I knew about it from day 1 in our relationship. It's just a little stressful knowing that he's going to go sit in the quiet of the woods enjoying nature and I'm at home wrangling three bouncing boys. We've made a plan to sit down with the calendar and pick good weekends and days for him to hunt so we're not hashing through it each time he wants to go (yet another thing to do on my list). And let's hope for a successful season for Jeff!
I need to shop. The boys don't have proper Sunday pants; Will's winter coat is from last year and it's really too short in the arms; I need some new heels; and then there is all the Christmas shopping coming around soon.
Oh, and then there is the blog book that I want to get started too. That's a huge time taker. Hopefully it will go easier this year since I've already worked with the software from last year.
It's just feels never ending. Even just the daily routine of dishes and laundry. I seriously wonder how moms that work outside of the home do it all. They amaze me. Maybe I would get more done if I had more of a time constraint on me. I don't know. I do know that doing dishes and laundry every day gets VERY OLD VERY QUICKLY and I don't want to do it and so I put it off and then I'm in a spot where I am today... with more on my plate than I can handle.
Will is whiny. I don't know if it's the time of year or what, but we're finding objection from him in everything we do. He's pushing his limits and I'm trying to reel him in and keep my composure at the same time. I'm feeling really inadequate and harsh in the mommy department these days. This parenting thing is rough. I need to remember that they are 6, 3, and 18 months. They aren't teens that can do everything for themselves. It's just hard to be at everyone's beck and call and not get a little frustrated and feel like I'm doing more than my fair share. (Jeff does a fantastic job of helping me out, that's not what this is about. It's just the pull of the kiddos and only one of me.)
My personal bible study is nil. Nothing. Haven't gotten up early to read in a long, long time. We have some exceptional bible studies going on Sunday morning and Wednesday night, though. I am so thankful for them because they are thought provoking and nourishing. I need to be giving myself more time in the book on a personal level, though.
There are half read books on my night stand. Books I really want to finish. More books that I want to start. What do I do with my time!?! Where does it go?
I have lots of blogging to do, too - which may sound like something I should put last on my list, but I love keeping this blog. I love the priceless memories that I've been able to put down in writing. So, you'll still be seeing me here around the blog, but you might not be seeing me at your place. sorry.
I want to spend more time with my kids. I know I'm home with them during the day, but too much of the time we spend our time doing our own thing. Yes, even at 3 years old he has his "own thing". I'm not saying I want all consuming time with them. Just more quality time and better interactions.
AGH! I have so much disorder in my life! I need to bring order to this chaos!!!
Can you see that I want to change so many things? Where do I start? Do it all at once and hope the changes stick? Take one at a time until it's routine?
It's so easy to say what I'm going to do. It's even easy to see it on paper and make a schedule of things to do. The hard part is actually DOING IT. Follow through is not my strong suit. I'm fantastic at starting something new, but terrible at finishing it up. Another thing to work on.
Anyway, thanks for the vent. It's motivated me to get to work.
Now, where is that apron?
Each morning the boys get a cup of hot chocolate when they wake up. It's really just warmed soy milk with some chocolate Nesquick. One morning, Nathan was in an especially grumpy mood when he woke up and told me, "NayNay no want choc milk." I replied, "Well then do you just want plain milk?" His eyes lit up and a smile brightened his face as he nodded. When we got to the kitchen, though, that all changed as he saw me pour just the milk and give it to him.
Nathan has always been a cross between a terror and a lover. Very stubborn and hot tempered one minute, but then just a sweet little man the next. When he turned three it was like a switch went off and he has become more sweet than stubborn. It's been so nice!
