Two things I want to work on (especially with my oldest) are chores and attitude. This summer Will has begun to test the waters with how far he can go in misbehaving. I don't know if it's just a phase of the age (almost 5) or if it's because Witt came into the world this summer and has taken more of my attention or if it's just cabin fever since we've been cooped up in the house (it's been way to hot to play outside). No matter what the reason, the attitude and misbehavior must go!
I know the first thing I need to change is myself, though. I need to focus on more one-on-one time with him. I also need to change my behavior in that it probably appears to him that he comes last. One example: He always wants a drink or something to eat as soon as I sit down to nurse Witt and he has to wait. So if I can take care of his needs/wants before nursing, I've eliminated me telling him to wait. Also, most days there are a few minutes where the two youngest are asleep at the same time and I can play trains, tell stories, or just whatever. Yesterday and today I took those minutes and did whatever he wanted to do. Today he spent 15 minutes playing the "what if" game. It goes something like this:
Will: What if the toy broke?
Me: I'd put it back together.
Will: What if you didn't have tape?
Me: I'd use glue.
Will: What if you were out of glue?
Me: Well, I guess I'd buy some more.
Will: What if the store was shut down for repairs?
Me: I'd call grandmother.
Will: What if grandmother was asleep for the whole summer?
Me: I'd wake her up.
Will: What if she was so tired she couldn't wake up?
Me: I'd call Nana.
Will: What if Nana's shops were under construction?
Me: I'd buy it off ebay.
Will: What if that place was under construction, too?
etc., etc., etc.
This is part of the ACTUAL CONVERSATION we had for 15 minutes!!! I even stopped him to ask if he wanted to ask questions with his time or play trains. The questions continued. I was busting out laughing by the end of the set time because it just went on forever. But after that, he went quietly down for a nap without argument. So maybe I'm on the right path.
Now for chores. He has been doing "chores" for about a year now. I'm trying to come up with a way to put a system into place to help me be consistent with what I expect from him. I'm putting a chore chart together that I think will work, but I just don't know if/how to reward him. I'm having troubles with this part...
Should he be rewarded for helping maintain the flow of our family house or should it just be expected since he is part of the family?
###Stopping to think what to do### hmmmm..... think think think...
Ok, here's the system I'll try first:
1) Get a large clear jar and some cotton balls
2) Introduce the chore chart - each chore completed gets a cotton ball added to the jar
3) Make some concrete "House Rules" (to be determined) that when broken he gets 1 warning and then the second time a cotton ball is removed.
5) He can earn extra cotton balls with good behavior and manners as well as extra chores
4) When the jar is full we'll do something special (to be determined)
What do you think? Too many rules? Too complicated for a 5 year old? I would love some suggestions! Please post your thoughts!!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
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1 comment:
I think you are on the right track. While it is a good idea that Will should learn chores are a part of being a family member, I think it does need to be remembered he is only almost 5. A highly intelligent almost 5 year old, but almost 5 just the same. The cotton ball jar is a great idea. Hopefully, though, the jar will not be too large, nor the cotton balls too small, as a child will quickly grow impatient. (Perhaps over time the jar can get bigger. For example, after the second jar is filled and he receives a reward, then the jar is just a bit bigger and so on....)
Yes, I think Will is feeling the strain of losing attention from his parents...thus producing behavior to illicit negative response from both. Mom and dad have to attend to Witt and Nathan (sometimes with undivided attention). Afterall, they are little tykes who need the adults to help them do just about everything. Will, on the other hand, is learning to be independent in dressing and eating and toileting and bathing and playing.
The hard lesson seems to be sharing... including sharing time of his parents with his brothers. The problem is that time with parents is really not Will's to share, so frustration sets in.... Will cannot control when Witt will cry and have needs, nor when Nathan needs something.
It is hard, since the kids are at such different levels of development. Yet, I know for a fact you are doing a great job!! Will would not be as independent as he is, nor as well developed, had it not been for the attention you were able to give him as he grew.
I wonder if there were things he could do for Nathan that would be helpful to you... or even for Witt. Getting him involved in caring for them could be what he is seeking. That way, he gets to share time with mom/dad, while assisting with his brothers. Right now I wonder if he is not jealous of either or both of them.
Oh well... those are my thoughts.... I pray I did not say anything you wished I did not say....
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